I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Everything about him screamed your future.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
he laminated a picture of his dick.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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