I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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