Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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