Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
