we're chasing vodka with high fives
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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