Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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