He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
