So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
