3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
