your thong is hanging out like whoa
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
