There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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