Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
