i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
