I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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