:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
