What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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