I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
