Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
