I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
