Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
