Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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