omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
be right there i have to get my cape
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
