My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
