You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
