Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
