Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
