Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
