i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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