She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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