Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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