Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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