Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
