Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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