i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
