perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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