God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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