You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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