Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
