I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
