I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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