so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
