He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
