theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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