Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
