There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
