I cockslap morals
if i died would you start the facebook group?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize