two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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