can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
