We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
