You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
