you guys were way drunker than both of me
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
