You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
