I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
