I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
