the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
