you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
dude. I can hear the air.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
