Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I think I died a long time ago.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I can't put those talents on a resume
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
