You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
