Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
