Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
