guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
