dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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